my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
