I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
