i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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