I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
