If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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