Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
