i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
