I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
