Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
