I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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