Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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