I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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