I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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