it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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