i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
