Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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