dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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