is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
