I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
