ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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