I'd wear matching sweaters with you
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
