So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
