i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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