It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
