he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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