First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
