The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
