he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
