so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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