your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
