Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
