So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
