TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
