im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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