You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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