Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
