I am puke
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize