Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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