Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You ruined the universe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
