the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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