I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's like iHOP with fire
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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