I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
