This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
