I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
