He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize