I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
