bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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