Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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