Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
