Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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