Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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