hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
