Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
