i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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