3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
