She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
