Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
