Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
