YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
