he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
