There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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