Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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