I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
