when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
