I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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