new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i drank out of a bidet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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