I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
