We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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