I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
