I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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