It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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