Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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