there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
