rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
