I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
