I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
