well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
